It has been ages that I peeped into my blog. I have been trying to get in there ,collect my thoughts, phrase a para or two, read them again and feel returned and today I sat down with it ,thinking atleast to jot down a para or two …may be about my boy or my return to work!
The other day, only in my second week of return to work we were discussing do we really need to make babies ? How unsettling it can be from being a duo to a trio and with that age gap? Like the thought itself sweeps the floor away . Whoa!! Non stop crying , sleepless nights, no night outs, constant whinging and then a flood of issues as that lil being grows up until they know this is papa ,this is mama, we sleep in night , eat three times a day and most of all eat and sleep by ourselves !!
Well the talk reminded me of the days when I had no maternal instincts what so ever . All I looked forward to was few working days a week, some time to enjoy cooking , a few phone calls, socialising on weekends may be with a drink or two and outings with my guy! The thought of having a LO only shivered me that it will change my set lifestyle and I always strategised how am I gonna defend the monster!
We were fruitfully growing in our relationship and it was almost the tenth year..a long time of being together!! Biological , mental ,social pressure was rising and the clock was ticking. It was like now or never! May be we were better of with a NoW!
After a few months we learnt that we are not gonna remain a perfect couple anymore- the new entry is here , kicking for his space already! The most talked about nine months passed with loads of hospital visits, imaging , vitamins,some panic attacks and still with the strategy to not let change anything between us two!!
On a very cold morning he cried loud-may be or may be not -I guess I was still half asleep. He latched on to me , he was hungry , exhausted and was looking for the same warmth.. I could only feel it but could not realise much .. Guess I was exhausted too!!
When I came to senses I saw the lil footer with a left club foot sleeping with his hands up!! Innocence dawned on his face and he was perhaps the sweetest thing I had ever seen.
However that did not change my other side one bit .. The first three months were upside down! I missed myself , my perfect week , my more than perfect weekend – I was house arrested with no sleep! All I had all day to do was feed , nappy, howling , nappy, feed like the world had come to a stand still and nothing was ever gonna change! What a plight it was….I think we did not understand each other at all then !!
He was a lil thing to look at but a fighter. He had a few casts on his left leg – hip to foot- that lasted for a month and a half but nothing stopped him from smashing them on the floor . His leg would turn blue at spots when the casts were changed but the only thing that ever bothered him was his meal and a dirty nappy ! At the age of 10 weeks he was put to sleep and given a cut in his foot followed by a cast for 3 weeks..I had to keep him hungry three hours prior to surgery and the surgery took two hours!! She handed him to me , he was brutally hungry not ready to take mummy’s milk, he was upset ,angry and crying like I had never seen before. I could not help him , I felt like I was no good , lil him could only cry and cry more -something just melted in me , may be I was guilty for all those times in the past 3 months when I had blamed him for changing every small thing in my life !!
Things changed ever since . He had his cast removed this time after 21 days- the surgery was successful but he had more stuff to tie up. Boots and bar they call it and it starts with 23 hours for 3 months first. The first 23 hours were the hardest for me and my lil footer . He cried and I refused to leave him for even one second for the first time – the mum was born ! We got settled the next day and it was not long when he gave his first heart melting smiles to us . The journey was like any other baby’s but we had our little struggles because my munchkin had to be on those bars for hours together. The number decreased and now it is only night while he is nearly 10 months.
I haven’t slept for even one night ever since he has been there. I still breast feed him. He still struggles with B&B in nights, cries and needs me to put him back to sleep but that has only increased my love for him and has motivated me to work harder. Our first family art
I work part time now-3 days a week. The other weekdays we are at baby groups and weekends we three eat at our favourite joints and go to park !
I often say to myself and whenever someone is in dilemma about having a LO -” yes, I am busy but we are complete!! ”