Finding myself !!

I was looking into a mirror today. First I saw few pores on my skin, then I saw a few brow hair growing in awkward places and then I saw chapped lips and finally I saw my eyes, my tired eyes .I was thinking I am still in my early 30s and I am looking tired. Why?? I needed sometime to contemplate,sometime to rethink,sometime to talk to stars, and sometime to look into myself,my tired eyes!!

  Evolution is an undeniable process. From the times the two cells meet and unite to give birth to a zygote,it keeps evolving and this process of modulating oneself to changing times and people leads to a question- where am I ??

My tired eyes were guess searching for me-the me who was fresh like a rose petal,the me who was innocent like a baby,the me who was pure like a pearl of water and the me who was bright like the twinkling star.

In the hustle bustle of education, job,family and running daily errands I seem to have lost the realisation of my existence.

In the start of my journey, I thought with every box I tick I will be successful and more accomplished and nearer to myself. But while I was churning my goals I lost the time with the fresh air, the stars and the sky . My eyes were gazing at the tele more than into any real eyes. I was surrounded by gadgets and they operated at my touch but I was not in touch with anyone, not even myself. That is how much I miss myself !!

I want to go back to my home where the two cells met and evolved to design me. I want to lie flat on the mattress which lies on the terrace there and twinkle my eyes with the light of those stars, then I want to close them tight and imagine my magical tree that can fulfil my every wish, I want to feel like I own the world and I want to once again believe in myself.

I am looking into the mirror again in the pursuit of finding myself!! My tired eyes are losing their shine,their reflection and their perspective yet hoping for a magic to hold me together and wind me back to those days when I was ME!!


It is a joke!!

So if you are ever stuck with the health care system in a country which is set up by the government , this is what happens to you- one day when you are travelling to work in the bus you look out and you look at yourself and you look at the time that has passed by and you start laughing thinking may be you were not well THEN.


In the process of recollecting the dates you realise that you discovered your system was at fault in April. You were eager and worried and you rushed to your GP. He advised a series of tests. Your blood was sucked liberally and drafted with phlebotomist. Not only this you were subjected to those ant bites in your bum because a vitamin or mineral deficiency could have lead to what you are experiencing.

Well well, you are over a few weeks now with undiagnosed diagnosis. You are regularly seeing your GP and in May you have got a file which says all your deficient boxes have been ticked,bloods are normal and there are no signs of infection .” But it is not happening,” you mention. “You need further care.”, he says. And you are referred. A sigh of relief -YOU ARE BEING REFERRED!! You know inside you are not technically far away from finding out why,when and how !!

It is June now. You are entering the specialist’s clinic. Problems,possibilities and presumptions -all are being discussed. Another pile is distributed amongst the staff and you. You are being asked to fill the consent-You think- I am dying and you need CONSENT😳-cure me!!PLEASE.

As the team works only on Wednesday you are booked in for more invasive tests. Obviously you work somewhere as well even though you are not well to pay for the petrol for the trips to GP centre and the specialist corner. So after a lot of settlement in the mid of July you get a Wednesday appointment with the nurse for some advanced test which is likely to reveal -ALL IS WELL!!

The results will take two weeks and you have been given an excercise regime to pass your time meanwhile. You are nearing the end  of July and you hear the good news-ALL IS WELL.

There starts a new cascade. You are given two sets of forms now, probably it is all consent ,consent and consent. Further they emphasise that please return these forms after four weeks.By this time you have got used to the exercise and you are trying to feel that you are recovering but you question,” what was I being treated for?”

You fill in the forms and return them in the middle of August and the reception informs you,”There is a presentation conducted every Thursday as our specialist comes only on Thursdays and he will explain you what the procedure is like.” You want to laugh hard but you smile and politely ask,” When is the next one?” She says,”The following week Thursday ,September 1st.” You are dying hard to put your name down and you agree to come.

September 1st-discussion on CONSENT👿👿👿. So now you are eager to know when is the procedure starting . The nurse is very polite and says,” the other hospital will get back to you. Normally this is within two weeks but in your case it has been 6,and I don’t know why.?”And  perhaps you don’t know now,why were you seeing the GP in the first place.😳😳

Well, you call them every week religiously having not heard from them. The calls go in voicemail and one find day in October you recieve a call back,” Dear , we are trying to follow them up for you and soon you shall recieve a letter .Immediately get back to us then and we shall take you on our list.”

Relieved again but not for long. You recieve a letter in December 1st week .

 The letter reads-Please fill in the eligibility criteria form and if we think you qualify we shall take you on the list. We must inform you that this is Christmas time and the branch would be closed until 10th of January next year so we cannot establish anything in that time period .Many  thanks xxx

And you are left with waiting to make a wish from Father Christmas -hoping to get treated by next Christmas !”😂😂😂