Very few things make us happy in life and over a period of time I have realised the few things that make bring a molar to molar smile on me and in priority they are food, writing and a smile on my patient’s face post treatment.
I have undergone transitions at every decade of life and I have always been in the process of defining happiness and reducing to reasons that create an upward curve on my face. While I continue to do the same, I have come to some conclusions. One of them being people don’t and can’t make you happy . When you are happy in a relationship you expect and what you expect is not known to the person who was making you happy and then you get disappointed . It is a viscous circle and eventually you have to restart your search.
After repeated failures I started looking for my happiness in myself. I would still cross the same cycle of expectations but it would be easier to forgive myself. We are playing safe!! We are slimming the chances of failure!!
Food is for survival but for me it is a beautiful means to survive. I love my food and every little effort that goes in developing my skills to make the recipes palatable fills me with satisfaction. It is a means from me to me! The very little times that I have failed to present it up to the mark, I have vigorously risen to the challenge. How silly is this comparison?? But when I substitute this passion to a relationship, I wonder how many times would have I picked up myself to make it more beautiful ? There is no risk and I am not answerable for my repeated failures.
I discovered writing at a very early stage of life. I began writing few lines for every festivity as a child. It went into a transformation and I did not realise when my poetry started reflecting my relationships, my love for my dear ones and my pain of losing them. Expectations and attachments reflected in my bloody lines. Then I blogged. I was actually venting and surfacing the lava! I did not need a friend then to listen. Not only this, I am not being judged for scribbling my thoughts on a paper. I am so secured and at no threat of being criticised for my baseless ideas! Happiness is bound to bounce.
Although I did say the patients make me happy when they smile but I fear the hour when one of them will curse me after all they are not an ingredient or a page. But I can’t deny the happiness because when I restore them pain free or fix their smile, they express the gratitude. I do not expect it as I do not know them. They are a mere name to me , a name that hasn’t slept a night for the gnawing ache yet they thank me! There is no boundation and even if they did not emote I would be alright and will continue my job.
How dry is my write up today?? I am trying to run away from the real world,the real people and the real emotions. I am not embarrassed though and I don’t want to be a hero in believing the same as the rest of the world. I choose to differ because from where I see it is hard to find the real hearts.
Happiness is scarce and every soul is deserted already. I am not seeking it any more and I have accepted these little tinkers as my lifeline!! How about you??