When you feel like a middling !!😐

I have had nothing much to do for last two days. I have stopped innovating myself in dentistry as I was losing interest in it already. I am hoping one day I will be able to take pride in it again and will write about how nice it feels to be a dentist. Last night I could not sleep well thinking ,was I lacking the skills to be a businessman? I always thought I was in a noble profession but my belief was breaking each day. People seem to understand only one word ” MONEY.” After multiple efforts and failures I was feeling mediocre. Now , I see why I could not sleep.

Today I opened my eyes to realise that I had a driving class. I brushed , dressed and poured some tea into me. I have been registering with the recruitment agencies. They have a tick box for driving. So you see , if I was to revive my belief in dentistry and be of interest to someone hiring me I should  be a registered driver. I am done with half a century of those right-left-roundabout-break-accelerator lessons and I still can’t drive through a roundabout without hesitation. I so lacked it. I lacked what someone would achieve in his teenage. 


My instructor is an old chap with 40 year of driving experience. He knows my area of competency , throws me to those roundabouts on each lesson and waits for that one occasion when he can say good. I have failed to impress him. The world has been tearing apart for me lately. At the end of the session I asked,” Tony, can we achieve a pass a little quicker?” He looked at me ,sighed and said,” You need those roundabouts , manoeuvres and heavy traffic sorted .” I muttered to myself,” No job for me until winters😳!!”  I am 32 and I am struggling to sell my skills and buy new skills. My cognition abilities have been constantly challenged. I , now sometimes think I am just IQ 50.

So basically I was gutted that I was good for nothing !! It is not the best feeling and you don’t want to disperse that energy to your readers. I did not want to do that either.I decided to use my disaster with all the D’s in my life at the moment to make me and you think ,”This shall pass too!”

Here are a few things that I tried since that driving class in the morning: 

  • Morrisons(retail therapy): the moment I was back I was almost into tears. I was counting on everything that is not right . My partner had made me some breakfast and we headed for grocery shopping. Nothing feels and looks better than food to me. I was shopping and lifting up my spirits. Flap jacks!! sneakers!!-serotonin is a great kick.
  • Italian(Favourite meal):I am a fan of pasta and anything that is not routine. I had picked up some asparagus and I decided to indulge in home-made pasta and chargrilled asparagus. It is food after all and we live to eat has been my mantra for ages now.The thought of garlic /sundries tomatoes/grilled vegetables was already stimulating my palate. I was reminded that I was a decent cook.



  • Jab we met( holly/bolly style): Like I mentioned before , I am an ardent Bollywood follower. The tele was on and I saw Kareena Kapoor who has missed her train second time. She rushes to the station master’s cabin.The station masters says to her,” Ladki ek  khuli tizori hoti hai.”πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚( a girl is like an open safe) .I could not resist laughing. Watch what takes you away from what is not working for you!  


  • Pooja room( pray/medidate): When you have no one,you surely have Him around you. This morning another friend of mine sent me a mail. The last line read ,” if He has put you into it , He will take you through it.” When I prayed ,I let it out to the Universe. He listens and I am sure He does. Try Him!!
  • Cross trainer(exercise): I had done the evening pooja. I was calmer. I hopped on that machine with music plugged into my ears. Blood was rushing in  my veins and O2 into my lungs. I was burning my calories for being productive. It is loads better than assuming you are no good!!
  • Anuj( pick that message/call): I had pings on my messenger . I was thinking should I check or not? I thought may be yes! It was Anuj, an old pal from college. After we empathised on how dentistry was plagued globally,he mentioned to me,” I love those pieces written by you. I may not comment but I follow them.” Wow!! I felt like a starπŸ˜‡.

Now it’s evening . I am now thinking may be I am not that silly, may be it is just time, may be I am yet to learn and develop. 

Every little thing that happened to me today made me realise that nature is always ready to compensate but we fail to have faith. May be … 



9 thoughts on “When you feel like a middling !!😐

  1. Good going Deepti.. I can tell these come straight from the heart and mind.. I’m in a similar quandry and your words echo mine and I’m sure many others who are still struggling to come to terms with the fact that medicine has changed our thinking… challenged our hopes and dreams.
    Keep your blog going..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Simone… I am trying to keep up with these changes and try finding those little things in my daily life to maintain my sanity. I , sometimes feel I don’t belong to the era !!☺️


  2. We all are in the same boat love, i dont know how many hurdles we need to cross to prove that we are qualified enough to practice dentistry in UK. Nicely put thought into words. I guess we need extraordinary patience and perseverance to sail through. I hope we all accomplish our dream soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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